The world of ministry is an unending deadline that constantly crashes against you like waves on rock. Just as one Sunday “event” is finished, guess what is just 7 days away? And next week better be fresh and authentic and inspired, while not deviating too much from what is familiar.
The hardest thing for me to do is to set aside intentional time to refresh and study; to feed my heart and mind. Without this, I quickly fall into programed patterns of “church” that may look like a job well done, but that lacks the energy and naked honesty of true worship and worship leading.
That is why I am sitting in a Starbucks right now. I need to read a book that stretches and expands my views, and spend some time thinking about what I want in my ministry and what kind of minister I want to be. It’s hard, because I know that back at the office there is a bunch of stuff waiting to be done. Yet, I also know that Sundays at my church will begin to get increasingly more “templated” if I don’t remove myself from the norm.
So that’s what I’m doing.
On the way here I was stopped by a guy who asked me if I had Jew in my blood. “Why, yes I do”, I responded. He said, “I thought so”. Then he gave me a Hebrew-English bible.
I don’t know what part of me looked Jewish to him, but I must admit that it made me feel good to be identified by my family heritage. Especially because it’s a heritage I am constantly wishing I was more connected to.
As it is, I feel like my history is a big cloud of emptiness hovering just two generations behind me. I keep trying to peer into the void to see something, anything, but the story of my family, of who we are and how we got here remains a mystery to me.
Anyone else feel that way?